Pixie in Paradise

Two months ago I received another sweet early morning email from Dr. Max, one of my oldest and dearest friends, also my unofficial editor. Even though he’s not being paid to grade my papers anymore – for many years now – I’m lucky that he still eagerly wants to read the musings that fall out of my brain and onto the page, or screen.

***

Good morning, 

Let me encourage you to not return to the US anytime soon! My rationale is quite simple: this expedition has yielded great bounties for you. Rather than go on, I’ve attached material below that gets to the heart of the issue. Several of the reasons are totally on target in your situation.

Hugs,

Max

“Writers, like people in other professions, may become expatriates for various reasons. Becoming an expatriate means living in a foreign country, often for an extended period. Some of the reasons why writers choose this path include:

• Seeking Inspiration
• Escape from Routine
• Research and Authenticity
• Escape from Political or Social Constraints
• Language Learning
• Career Opportunities
• Quality of Life
• Personal Growth
• Cultural Exchange
• Adventure and Exploration“

(Note: I do not  know the source Max used for the information above but it is not ours).

Not all of his encouraging and supportive message is seen here but i felt his words and it made me quite emotional. I tearfully read each line, as it is my exact sentiment but I’m never sure how to properly execute this dream life for an extended period of time. I’m still not. My response to his email:

Good morning! As I type this I’m sitting on the dock of a bed and breakfast in Bocas del Toro, Panama, listening to a few Germans talk across to each other from their kayaks. Last night I spoke to a couple of other guests here who are from the Dolomites! Their accent is beautiful and listening to them speak is wild because it sounds like they’re speaking a pretty version of German mixed with Italian but then I hear a few Spanish (Italian) words thrown in. How in the world did this happen where a Latin-based romance language attached itself to a Germanic one? They explained the history behind it and also that they are indeed a part of Italy now, with Italian passports but they get questioned a lot by border security when they’re heard speaking with their accent but possess their native passport. Anyway, I have been getting up too late the past two days but it’s the brutal fast-paced travel schedule (four countries with activities in each, in one week) and the fact that we are in the Eastern time zone, I guess. And, a new country and slightly different climate! No place has been as hot as Belize so far. Costa Rica and Panama have had more temperate mornings and evenings.

I totally agree with your suggestion, that I shouldn’t come back to the US and this travel is wildly inspirational for my writing but I’m missing a crucial component in that plan: a big bag of money. I will have to try very hard to find a company that will let me work from truly anywhere in the world. I’m not sure if my personal writing will make me enough money to continue traveling at this point. It will sometime soon, I feel, but maybe not on this  current timeline I would hope  for. 

I also have sweet Pesto the cat back home that I miss whose pet sitter services end mid-January, so I’m not quite sure what to do about him either. I am certainly thinking about all of it though.

More later, I’ve gotta go find bug oil. The sandflies just woke up! 

***

At the end of the year, my exact words posted on social media were:

“12/31/2022: I had no idea 2022 would be the best year of my life so far. BEST. YEAR. EVER. Good luck 2023, you got tall shoes to fill, motherfucker.

12/31/2023: Well, 2023 has definitely surpassed 2022 and been the best year of my life, the life of my wildest dreams. I don’t even know what to say except I’m sending out intentions and actions for a 2024 that tops the love and adventure, inspiration, creativity and abundance I’ve experienced in this year.” 

Maybe I should challenge the upcoming year at the end of the one before it every December 31st, as it seems to be working out for me so far. I mean, no one can predict the future, not even “Jessica,” sitting at Starbucks in her Ugg™ boots with an iced mocha frappuccino, who follows astrology like it’s a map to the outlet mall. But in my humble opinion, very recent events have transpired that illustrate to me that I am on the right path and everything is flowing easily to keep me on said path.

Because of this belief and natural easy flow of occurrences, by the time you read this I will be on the way back to my “homeland,” in southern Costa Rica. Not just back to the town, but my home –  Casa Vikingo  – with my  beloved  cat, Mo! How did the stars align for that? The story is not as simple as me refusing to stay where I’m unhappy, book a room and head back. Nothing like that. I’ve been invited to return and help by assisting the property manager and running errands for the little resort and if needed, helping guests have a wonderful experience there. Casa Vikingo gave me back a peace, contentment and security that I may have never felt and I am so happy to return and help give back to the people and the place that did that for me.

When I arrived in San Jose my emotions were quite like the weather up there: turbulent, less than comfortable and a tiny bit unstable. By unstable, I mean windy and colder than 80 degrees Fahrenheit. The wind was whipping around, making it feel much cooler than the temperature indicated. Now to be less dramatic, I arrived in daylight while it was still sunny, so there were a few hours before nightfall that felt warm and the temperature was at least 74 degrees. After that first afternoon though there were four days and nights full of constant wind. Wind makes me crazy, I don’t know how else to put it. Wind makes me cold, angry, unhappy, it’s usually a precursor to a cold or flu illness for me and it’s just an all around shit show. Wind makes me feel all the emotions I don’t want to feel and I was lucky to work with an acupuncturist who recognized this and knew how to help me physically and gave me tools and suggestions to combat it. That doesn’t mean it cured me of my wind aversion.

In the last post I illustrated some of the struggles I had in San Jose and I seriously use the term “struggles” loosely. These aren’t hard core issues. How can they be? I’m so fortunate and blessed to still be traveling and writing, meeting new people and animals, practicing my Spanish and learning about a new culture. Struggle or not in its real sense, I left the south and headed north to the city and just had a hard time adjusting. Immediately. I miss “my” beach, “my” cat, the energy in Puerto Viejo and the lifestyle I had there.

The first night in San Jose I sat and thought to myself that even though I am on a different part of my journey, I’m still on this journey abroad. But, can my time here really be coming to an end? I honestly didn’t want to accept that it was. In less than three weeks I was flying back to the US, somewhat afraid to try to assimilate back to life in the US, and in the desert after truly feeling changed from the experiences of the last five months in tropical Central America. After breaking free from the miserable day to day of corporate America and taking a huge leap of faith, packing only necessities and jumping on a plane for places unknown, do I have to come back and resume that life? More importantly: can I? I definitely don’t want to, and have admitted it to myself and tearfully expressed that sentiment to a few friends.

I laid in the dark in San Jose in the upscale – but scary – hilltop bunker I rented, trying to fall asleep and knowing deep down I needed to return south. I tried to be rational: I will return home to the US, sort life out and return. I kept hearing this voice: “It’s not time to go back; what if you stayed?” Is that voice just a glass of wine talking, me not being a responsible adult, or being really out of touch with reality?! I always ask the universe/god to give me a sign or give me guidance, letting me know I’m headed in the right direction at the right time and I got my answer.

Two days ago the owner of my favorite resort where my favorite stray cat lives (we all know who), needed someone immediately to help with the daily responsibilities for welcoming guests and making sure everyone is comfortable. I also reminded her that I love doing laundry so sign me up for that chore too! We exchanged emails over the course of two days and then I received the final go-ahead email from her from Norway, where she lives full time. She had been going back and forth between home in Europe and the resort but she will be handing the resort over to another entity in a few months and has returned home for the foreseeable future.

I will be turning around to head back and be of assistance, so as you read this I will be flying down the Costa Rican highways in yet another shuttle bus, anticipating more beautiful adventures and wild discoveries. I don’t think 2024 could have started out with a clearer sign that I’m still where I need to be.