Pixie in Paradise

aka The Path to the Yellow Brick Road

Don’t worry, pixie is still in paradise. The proverbial “paradise” was never necessarily just a place, though that affects my soul deeply as it probably does many people. Some people aren’t as sensitive to their environment; others, like me, are. We are very acutely affected by our environment. Once I journeyed to Central America, I did indeed find an actual place that is my version of paradise. I have been away from that place for exactly three months to the day and that has been enough time to affirm some things and figure out new awakenings.

I already assumed that I’d never be able to live long-term in the desert again, and that seems to be accurate. While I’m not unhappy here currently, I don’t experience that insanely full joy I had every single day while I was in Costa Rica. I felt myself glowing from the inside out there, and people would remark to that effect. I think I’m meant to live that tropical, high-humidity lifestyle, near lush green jungle and ocean. Go figure. I grew up on a farm in rural Wisconsin, mainland US. Honestly, it never felt like the place I was supposed to be. Even back then, place was more to me than a random location. It wasn’t an accident that I was born and raised in a place that felt strange to me. I believe everything happens in our lives that is meant to, in order to push us further toward who we are meant to evolve being. The “kids” these days call it a glow up, working toward personal growth and development to be the best versions of ourselves that we can. Or, the best versions we can strive for. Progress, ladies and gentleman, not perfection.

Now it feels like I’m pushing the envelope by heading back to the Caribbean – voluntarily again – but back to island life. Different island, different country, but here we go again! This time, just as much is at stake, if not more. I can live with that because what I set in motion stepping onto the airplane for Belize last August can’t be undone. We turned Genie – or in this case, Pixie – loose, and there’s no turning back. And there shouldn’t be. Why progress forward along this beautiful journey of discovery only to turn backwards? No thanks.

This cougar brushed aside her Wizard of Oz, cowardly lion fears, and jumped. I knew my life needed to change because I felt there was so much waiting for me if I could just be brave enough to leap. And I did. And there was. And we’re not done. I am preparing to leave on the same day this year to visit my new island for a week, that I moved to the Belizean island last year. It felt like a cosmic thing to do. Two months after that (less than four months from now), I am tentatively scheduled to relocate to that island because the opportunity presented itself as if it was meant to be. It is a way for me to stay gainfully employed, while also working on my book and returning to live in the Caribbean.

On the subject of opportunities, Morgan Freeman said to Lauren Graham in the movie, Evan Almighty: “If someone prays to god for patience, do you think he gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If they prayed for courage, does god give them courage or does he give them opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for their family to be closer, do you think god zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?” 

While these were only lines in a movie that didn’t actually do very well at the box office, I find merit in those words. I also feel like it all came to fruition for me while I was living abroad. I certainly learned to be way more patient, considering Central America moves on a WAY different time schedule than that of Western culture. Nothing – absolutely nothing – operates when, where or how you think it will or should. Nothing. This taught me an extra layer of patience; frustration first, but then no doubt, some patience.

As for courage, well, because of who I already was and because of these and other meaningful travels, courage has been delivered in spades. There’s always room for more, but I’m most grateful for courage and bravery. In my opinion it was courage that allowed me to undertake the huge task of redesigning my life in the first place, not just last year, but each time I’ve done so. Last year, however, was the most stark overhaul as well as the most beautiful and transformational.

As for Morgan Freeman’s last line in reference to family, my travels also created a beautiful way for me to connect with my mom. Because she doesn’t have any social media or communication apps on her phone the only ways we could interact were by texting messages and photos sent back and forth, and, through my writing. She had access to my blog and I think it gave her a pretty intimate look at some of the aspects of my life at that time. These are aspects that my mom wouldn’t normally see or hear about so for better or worse, this was a way for her to keep tabs on me. Believe me, not all of it was sunshine and roses and I’m sure it frightened her more than she let on but this new level of beautiful acceptance seemed to allow her to find a little peace in knowing that what I was doing was necessary for my own path. Mom always had the usual laundry list of warnings and “don’t talk to strangers,” etc. Her list was exhausting, and had I ever paid attention to it, I’d never be where I am today. I carved my own path and most importantly, mom is insanely supportive and encouraging of all of my adventures now. I know, because she will send supportive girl power texts at random moments and they usually include Taylor Swift lyrics, citing female empowerment and strength. Mom’s favorite concept is that we should all be whoever we want to be. As mom and Taylor say, “haters gonna hate,” and she has sent that text to me more than once. She says I should do and be whatever I want no matter what anyone says because those “haters gonna hate,” and who cares?

Mom’s right. I’m going to keep doing whatever the hell I want to do, by following my heart while making connections with creatures all across the globe. By “all across the globe” it’s safe to say I usually mean in a tropical location, but I will always make short excursions outside of my comfort zone.

I’m going to follow that yellow brick road back to the jungle and the sea, because my heart tells me too. Glow, baby, glow.