Pixie in Paradise

I have a close friend who feels the need to send a group text to me and our third “Musketeer,” informing us of everything she’s doing on certain days. She doesn’t do this every day, but regularly feels the need to share. These aren’t grocery lists or task lists. Rather, it’s a summary of everything she’s accomplished up until then on that particular day. Then she proceeds to list what else she will be doing with the rest of her day. This sounds normal, except I’ve been around her for 15 years. She works too hard and too long on most days and while she does take some time for self-care and meals with friends – many meals with friends – I feel like these “lists” are indicative of something deeper.

She’s very competitive and I get the sense that she feels she always has to be the last man standing: she has to do more and be more than everybody else. She is kind, humble and generous, truly, but there’s this facet to her personality where she seems to feel the need to let everyone know she is doing the most. Of course, I think it stems from childhood and seeking attention and approval from one or more parents, or just always wanting to prove to herself she’s the best. I don’t know. She’s adorable and a force to be reckoned with and she definitely isn’t going to let anyone give her a participation trophy, for fucks’ sake.

I’m no therapist and I honestly do not care to postulate too long on anyone else’s shit other than my own, but when she does this it annoys me. That’s my only point, really, and once in a while it makes me think about what I’m doing each day. I NEVER want my days to look like hers. We don’t even share too many of the same interests: except meals. We will brunch together like demons having just been turned loose from hell. But truthfully, we don’t even do that alike because she’ll eat some damn chicken fingers while I want the craziest thing on their menu – and a cocktail, please.

Her summary lists exhaust me and always seem to have way too much packed in. I’d go nuts having as many appointments and outings with humans as she does. I honestly don’t want to have more than a few events per week – at most – where I have to dress up and look cute to socialize. I love staying in my peaceful beach-themed casita with my cat. This is the story of my life: a sweet little home and a feisty, cuddly cat. But if I’m not packing my schedule so tight, why am I tired these days?

My friend goes everywhere, meets everyone, and works with dozens of animals every day. I would be wiped out doing all of that! I’m also pretty tired with my current schedule which starts around 5:30 in the morning. Keep in mind it has only been seven weeks since I crawled out of the jungle and came back to mainland USA. Not really crawled, but you get the idea. I left the jungle less than two months ago. I accepted a new job offer four weeks ago, and started that job just over one week ago. I’m adjusting to this heinous dry desert climate, trying to learn a new job and I’m moving back to the Caribbean in approximately five months. Not the same location or country either. Pesto, the three-legged cat, and I, are moving to the opposite side of the Caribbean Sea that I just came from. In preparation for the move there is a lot of research to be done, there will be a lot of packing and repurposing of household items – because they’re not going with me to another island! I won’t be keeping a rental house behind this time to just walk back into if I return. We’re clearing out!

In the background, or maybe the foreground, my own summary list looks like this:

I wake up at 5:30 am and tend to the cat, his food and his turd box. I sometimes go for a walk, about 2,000 steps. I work from 6:30 or 7:00 am until around 4:00 pm. I work remotely from home on a computer all day. It requires a lot of focus and concentration and plenty of eye strain. I then try to stretch a bit and let my brain relax until 5:30 pm. During this time I’ll feed the cat and then go for a walk between 6:00 and 7:00 pm. While I’m on this walk I’m listening to Spanish-language podcasts because where I’m headed, it’s good to know the language. 

This list looks easy to me, nowhere near that of my incredibly busy friend who’s trying to win a gold medal competing against herself. Then I realized I had left out some “stuff.” Stuff like, I’m also still writing this blog, working on a manuscript which is similar to the content in the blog but much more poignant, explosive and imperative to get out for the masses of amazing women who need to hear the message I’ve been called to deliver. I also reach out each day to a few loved ones, to stay connected to friends here and abroad, so that they know I love and cherish them no matter where I’m at – physically or mentally. When I’m cleaning or puttering around the house in whatever spare time is left over there’s usually a Spanish-language show streaming in the background too. I’m trying to become as fluent as possible. My goal is to become as close to fully bilingual as possible. Bilingual with a book published, by age 50. It’s totally doable. It’s possible to beat that timeline and be fluent in Spanish sooner and publish more than one book, given the number of projects I’m working on. I don’t care what it takes, I will be “bi”-something, by 50: bipolar, bipartisan, bisexual (just kidding, you’re safe, ladies – I really like driving “stick”).

And it is currently at least one hour past my bedtime, so with that I bid you, buenas noches, descansa (goodnight, sleep well).