Pixie in Paradise

AKA From Jungle Barbie to Corporate Barbie

I did not handle it well, in my opinion. My first day back at a desk in corporate America was rough and the sad part is, that was just a half day of onboarding – waterboarding. I’m being dramatic, of course. But here’s the thing: I crawled out of the jungle just six weeks ago. I’m being dramatic again. I didn’t “crawl” out, I left the jungle in a shuttle with two suitcases and it dropped me off at an Airbnb in San Jose where I spent four days on the fifth floor of a luxury apartment in the capital city of Costa Rica, before flying back to the US. However, keep in mind, six weeks ago I was pushing a wheelbarrow 600 meters to bring a five gallon water bottle back to my house, just so I would have clean water for cooking, drinking and brushing my teeth.

This was just one of the items I brought up at my team meeting today with a new manager and my new mentor. The meeting was towards the end of my work day and I was starting to unravel. I’d had to get up at 5 am in order to be at my desk at 6 am, because my company operates on Caribbean Time: the Atlantic Standard Time (AST) Zone. That’s a three-hour time difference, so at 6 am in Arizona where I’m currently at, my coworkers are rocking their third cup of coffee, breakfast on board and maybe even a snack – or a joint. Who knows? It’s 9 am there.

I was having what I thought were password issues but was actually configuration issues with my company-issued laptop, so I had to call our Information Technology (IT) department. This was 6 am, we were told to log on an hour before new employee training started, for me that was 7am. After a very brief hold someone from IT picked up the phone and greeted me with a few sentences in Spanish. (I remembered back to my first week at the last company and my IT team was based in Ireland, they all had a very distinct Irish brogue). Surprisingly, my brain didn’t skip a beat, despite the insanely early hour I apparently thought I was still in Costa Rica and responded to this stranger with Spanish. Then my body realized the coffee hadn’t kicked in yet, and the euphoria of knowing the right words to say in my second favorite language wore off, because I realized I couldn’t fully explain myself. It was like I had paddled myself out to sea in a kayak with my hands, but now I was stuck without any linguistic paddles. I’m like, “Pat – can I buy a vowel?” (Is anyone old enough to get that Wheel of Fortune reference? No matter, it made me laugh). I switched into English and asked if we could, since I had no idea what I was trying to say. We both made it off that call without crying but the computer still needed help. 

I then had a very brief lunch break, more new employee meetings and a meeting with my new manager and also with my new mentor, the senior writer on our team. They both seem very lovely and very bright and think they’ll do a great job getting me up to speed at work. The manager had mentioned to my mentor that I had been traveling and I tried to briefly explain how wild the journey had been, as succinctly as possible – impossible to do. After telling my boss of  the adjustment I’m going through getting back into the swing of things, she put her hand on her heart, said she understood and to do whatever I needed to do to settle in, and that she was glad I was there. I mean, what do you say after that? I was as relieved as I was scared. A response like that one is so thoughtful and if it’s sincere, I have just won the manager jackpot. If it turns out it was just something said to placate a fairly nervous new employee that is just needed as a pack mule to work insanely hard for a tiny team, then things could get interesting. I’m going to assume my luck is continuing to hold as it has for some time now, and believe that this will be a great new life chapter with more wonderful new people. (In case BW ever reads this, she is the actual epitome of “winning the manager jackpot.” What a beautiful human, and fantastic boss). 

While I’m struggling a bit adjusting to full-time work again, Pesto, the cat, was immediately excited to start working again. After his breakfast he went straight over to lay down next to my desk. I’m out of practice, out of our daily rhythm and, like an amateur, rolled over his tail at least once with my office chair. He screamed at me, then turned and walked away to recover.

I cried on the inside all day to be honest, and about four times on the outside, but thankfully not while on a video call. I had 9 kalamata olives and a huge glass of red wine for dinner – just really nailing adulthood. Fuck it.

By day two I’m so messed up on time zones. Thinking it would be safer to keep my laptop on AST time means I am currently three hours behind most of the company. Three hours! For two days in a row since probably forever, I’m showered, fully dressed and wearing a shirt with sleeves, and pants. I never wear pants at home. Shit, sometimes I’m barely in a shirt.

My computer says it’s almost lunch time but I’m still peeing constantly from my morning cup of coffee. I started drinking it at 7 am, my time, but I’ve also had a 6 am smoothie and at some point some vegetables and chicken. I look at my laptop and it says 1 pm and I think, how is it 4 pm in Puerto Rico already? Nothing makes sense, my computer passwords aren’t working and I just spoke to the IT guy in Spanish. In what world is this my life now? I sit down and realize that it’s actually 1 pm there, 10 am here and I need to calm my tits, and get a grip. This is yet another great example of why we don’t always need caffeine.

The continued computer problems were really irritating me, more than they should have but I just wanted to get all of the new employee items off of my checklist. I pretty much just wanted to sign up for benefits and start getting proficient at my actual job. At least I got to meet all of my teammates on day two. 

There’s only four of us and all very different, but we all seem very down to earth and they were all so engaging and very interested in hearing my background. There were a lot of questions about my history and recent journey. Just like I did the day before on the meeting with my boss and mentor, I admitted that while I’m happy to be with them, I’m struggling with a little culture shock, both from being back in the US and now back in corporate America. One of the other writers said the kindest thing to me, a complete stranger and her new coworker. She said in a gentle, compassionate way that she imagined I was not only having a bit of an adjustment to life in more than one way, but that I was probably going through some grief too. She was completely accurate, incredibly accurate. I left the biggest part of my heart behind in that oceanside jungle village. I can only imagine the reason she was able to say that to me from her heart is because she has experience in the grief department. I’m sorry for that, but so far I’m not sorry I ended up on this team, working for this company. For now, this might be the exact place for me. After all, because of them, I am moving back to the Caribbean in a few months.