Pixie in Paradise

Sometimes I forget that not everyone knows what I’m doing but maybe some are interested. Most people don’t give a shit and that’s 100% fine with me. I’m guessing there’s a range of human emotions about my recent move: concern, curiosity, disbelief, envy, loving support and maybe even pure unadulterated joy at someone else’s unconventional choices. Those last two of course are what I appreciate and cling to the most. The longer I’m here I have started to see what people really thought of my leap into the unknown. Friends who appeared to cheer me on during the process were actually waiting to see if I’d really go through with it and if or when I wouldn’t succeed. I’ve had to really start to grow a thick skin when it comes to deflecting those who have stayed connected but are inadvertently making comments or asking questions that feel like a pass or fail answer is required. From the moment I started this journey, and still to this day, the only pass or fail in my eyes was if I would follow through with enough planning, downsizing, strategizing and sheer grit to be able to get on the plane to Central America. I did and therefore, to me, I passed the test. The goal I set for myself: would I get on the plane to Belize and set down some roots temporarily or semi-permanently? I sure did, and no one will ever be able to take that from me. I have only been here 33 days! That fact seems to escape even me, when I’m going through the rough moments – and there are so many! How can anyone, least of all myself, think I’d be settled in on a Central American island (coming from the Sonoran Desert) of limited resources and think my body, mind or spirit could be oriented already? As a friend says, I need to slow my roll! Meaning, relax for a minute.

But would I stay at home just to not have had those moments along with the good? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I still get a lot of questions, though, regarding my new life. I understand! I find the story fascinating and I would have so many questions if one of my friends did this same thing too. Experts, life coaches, wellness gurus, seemingly “successful people,” whatever you want to call them say, “Keep it private until it’s permanent: your success, your love life, your planning strategies, your income sources, your happiness, and your dreams and goals.” (@startupethics) 

Hey you, sitting behind your computers, armchair experts, Monday morning quarterbacks: NOTHING IN THIS LIFE IS PERMANENT. Why not be somewhat transparent in case what you do, say or type, could benefit even just one person? I’m no saint and certainly no hero, but I have had several people along my life’s journey express their gratitude for my vulnerability and transparency. If it’s one thing I won’t tolerate in my life and those I hold close, is someone who pretends to have their life together, attempting to hide their personal shitshow. While some discretion in certain situations is likely warranted in no way should we, human meaning-makers, hide who we are and the interesting and sometimes powerful, inspiring or death defying events we’ve made it through, that make us who we are. How else do we relate to each other? We have to share stories to realize we have shared stories.

For the most part I’m an extremely transparent person, honest, what you see is what you get. The theory that we move through this human existence without sharing stories, commentary, wisdom, emotions with each other, is absolute bullshit to me. It’s the opposite of being human. We are humans and therefore create so much meaning in our lives in various unique ways, to share or express ourselves, working toward a fulfilling life!

And now, is where we pick up the part of our story that only my unofficial editor and biggest fan will enjoy. His name is Dr. Max and he has been part of my life since 2008, when he had less gray hair and I had way less eye wrinkles. Dr. Max was my professor, then my boss as I worked part-time for two years as his teaching assistant, guiding 100- and 400-level students through his fascinating university Humanities courses. I’ve written more words for that man in courses heavy in essays, than probably in the entirety of my life!

So for the other two people reading this blog (and thank you to those fans, I truly don’t even know if anybody is reading this), if you want to tune out on the history lesson below and catch us at the conclusion, feel free, but this post will surely give OMM (Old Man Max) a smile at his standard 4:30 a.m. wake up time, as he provides not only commentary – which he does with each blog post – but maybe some additional historical tidbits for me about the man referenced below. And since he’s not grading papers anymore, having traded that life for a luxurious one of golf and mini schnauzer agility training with the love of his life, it’s my turn again to make him read an “assignment.”

Viktor Emil Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist, a Holocaust survivor, and the founder of logotherapy—a school of therapy centered around meaning creation, considered the Third Viennese School of Psychotherapy. A central tenet of Frankl’s theory is the concept of noö-dynamics (Frankl, 2014) which helps to explain the relationship between Frankl’s chaotic external world and his search for meaning within the chaos. This study aims to explore how Frankl made sense of his world and ultimately how he found meaning during his time in the concentration camps, between 1942 and 1945. More specifically, this psychobiographical case study explores—through the lens of Frankl’s concept of noö-dynamics—the strategies he employed in the concentration camps to find purpose and create meaning.

Frankl’s Existential Theory

Frankl’s philosophical background is grounded in existentialism and his theory has been placed in the tradition of existential philosophy (Klingberg, 2001; Pytell, 2015). Frankl (2010, 2011, 2014) maintained that the search for meaning is not a secondary thought process to instincts, but rather the primary motivation in life. His theory (2010, 2011, 2012, 2014) highlighted the need to acquire the tools necessary to find meaning, rather than to view a person as a two-dimensional machine with separate parts. A person’s ability to transcend their environment was a central component of Frankl’s existential theory. Frankl (2004, 2006, 2014) stated that the individual is the only one to decide about the meaning of their life and that the individual has to take responsibility for creating and deciding its unique meaning. 

Noö-Dynamics

Frankl (2006) asserted that mental well-being is not about achieving emotional equilibrium, but rather “the existential dynamics in a polar field of tension where one pole is represented by the meaning that is to be fulfilled and the other pole by the man who has to fulfill it” (p. 110). This is a foundational concept of Frankl’s existential theory, which is based on a person’s drive to achieve purpose in life. 

According to Frankl (2004), human beings should aim to create this tension in order to re-orientate themselves towards their meaning in life. This constant tension provides a person with a sense of drive and purpose (Frankl, 2006, 2014). Frankl stated that working towards a sense of emotional homeostasis is mentally healthy and that tension aroused by a goal that needs to be fulfilled is what makes a person live in this world with purpose. Frankl (2004), therefore, maintained that noö-dynamics is a healthy state for a person to be in and while a state of emotional homeostasis is naturally comforting, noö-dynamics is what one should aim to create in one’s life.

And what does this have to do with anything? I think you know where I’m headed – believe me, Dr. Max sure does. Part of the tension, the pull in my life that Frankl refers to, brought me to Central America for reasons I am probably not aware of. Sometimes we don’t know what or why when it comes to our purpose, we just know that we are still seeking. I believe the Universe (or your version of “god/s”) guides us, nudges us to find this meaning. Our mind isn’t unhappy per se, but it is unsettled, knowing there’s something else out there meant for us, we just don’t quite know the specifics yet. Is part or all of my purpose or drive to find meaning in this small developing country, full of dengue fever mosquitoes and rainy season nightmares where I’m going to find it? Who the fuck knows? Who..the fuck…knows.